To my colleagues in the obstetrics profession,
First I’d like to take a minute to introduce myself. My name is Tenáj Ikner. I am a doula and owner of Pasadena Doula Associates, a rising doula practice in Pasadena, CA. I have supported your patients, my clients, and worked in tandem with you to create a birth team they can trust.
Last night left me annoyed. There is a new miniseries on Netflix, Sex Explained. Out of the five episodes, only one caught my eye. I’m sure you can guess which one. Yep! The episode titled CHILDBIRTH.
As I watched, a moment, a mere 20 seconds of the entire episode, left me with concern for my profession.
““...And the natural childbirth movement brought back one of the most ancient types of labor support... Having a doula present. They’re trained birth coaches, there to support the laboring woman and make sure her wishes are being respected by the medical provider.”
”
WHAT?!
This is a gross and unfortunate fallacy. A professional doula IS NOT there to make sure her client’s wishes are being “respected” by you. As a professional doula, I am there as a part of a birth team. A team she chose to support her in achieving the best birth experience possible. As a professional doula, I am there to “instill strength and reduce fear” for my clients. As a professional doula, I am there to educate and support emotionally and physically. I am not her bodyguard, nor reduced to an “emotional support person”. There are adorable Labrador Retrievers for that.
I am NOT an advocate for my clients.
They don’t need me to advocate for them. I trust them and their decision to have you as their provider. Should they need to be reminded of something they said they did or didn’t want for their birth, I will.
I do not speak for them and make that very clear.
My interactions with my client’s wishes for her birth are with her. I remind her of her goals. I push her beyond what she believes she capable of, if that what’s she’s asked me to do. I help her navigate any changes she makes or circumstances that need her to deviate from the birth plan. I am there to help her manage and cope while you shift gears and get things in order.
You, medical provider, will not have to be concerned about me coming into any birth space to “save the day”. That medical establishment is your house and I am a guest in it. I am there to support my client, keep her safe, and get that baby birthed safely, same as you. We simply have a different set of responsibilities for the same goal.
I want you to know I respect you, your profession, and your place on the birth team. You can bet your favorite stethoscope (I know you have one.) that I or any doula affiliated with Pasadena Doula Associates hold this same regard.
I look forward to working with you. If you see me around, please say, “Hi.”. If you have any thoughts on the matter, share them with me in the comments. Let’s dialogue and see how we can continue to collaborate. Even better, I’d love to grab a cup of coffee to discuss in person.
Sincerely,
Tenáj Ikner, CED-L, CD-PIC
